Emerging Part 1
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I feel I have awoken from a trance into the world of other people after an absence of decades. The re-emergence began a couple of years ago. A number of family tragedies spurred me to further question how I relate to other people.
Growing up in my teens and twenties, I always got the impression that it was best not to bother others. It seemed that most of the people I knew had plenty of other better, closer friends. They did not need me and I did not want to be a burden. Besides, I had my mission to be getting on with (- the mission I try not to think about too much these days because it seems to have grown in ambiguity and elusiveness.)
I was often given to believe that if I visited people who were ill, I’d only be in the way of closer family members, and then the closer relatives would fuss or be distracted. It seemed like a plausible argument. I did not want to get in the way.
But then the ill died, and I wished they had known how much I prayed for them and thought of them and longed to help from afar. Mostly though I just felt sad for them and those who mourned them, but I didn’t know how to help. How do you help people, when you have been brought up to believe that it is best not to bother people?
I half regret posting this already. The truth is the main reason I've been in a cocoon is because I've had too many days like today when physical pain/discomfort of one sort or another makes every little thing I do into a battle. First the battle to get dressed and washed, then the battle to do the dishes and mostly the battle to get the monkey in my belly to stop bugging me with all its heartburning antics.. Times like this make me wonder how the heck I think I can possibly help or befriend anyone!!
ReplyDeleteFortunately I typed up a post about Love last week when I was in top form. Must read over it before republishing for a little- currently much needed- inspiration! :)
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