What to do with LOVE?

Loving, Obsessing, Possessing,  Caring, Creating and Synergising  LOVE

Some days it seems that my little heart is overflowing with love for so many different people, that it leaves me feeling utterly elated and filled with nervous excited energy. The sort of energy I’d call “taspie” as a child. (How do you spell that word?)

Image is from: berlin-artparasites "People grow when they are loved well. If you want tohelp others heal, love them without an agenda." —Mike McHargue #TodaysMantra artwork by Chiara Bautista

However, when working alone, facing an evening at home alone, the chances are that all this wonderful loving energy may well get frittered away unexpressed. So I would like to learn how to harness this energy and express it in creative ways for the good of others and the satisfaction of my own eager heart.

In some ways, writing this blog allows me to share my enthusiasms and passions- or at least lets me think that I am sharing. ( Anyone out there? Please comment if you have read this far!! ;) )

Obsessing..

Unfortunately, all too often this sort of excited energy can make someone obsessive or perhaps even possessive…. I think we are both conditioned and -possibly instinctively- inclined to the idea that the best way to express love is through physical contact:-
a kiss or a hug for starters…

When someone makes you feel energised, happy and glad to be alive, don’t you just want to kiss them? Does this mushroom into a desire to just merge with them, to soak up and exchange all those wonderful feelings and make something amazing with that fused energy?

Of course, at least half the readership are now thinking about the usual, much promulgated way to consummate and express physical passions..

But I am searching for something much more powerful than that;

Possessing

Have you ever been in the same room as someone you felt strongly attracted to? Or have you ever been somewhat fixated on trying to catch the eye of someone you yearn to impress? Have you ever spent most of an occasion in a “background brain state” longing to dance with or speak to or otherwise be in closer contact with the object of your affection/desire?

That is a sort of possessive impulse, which can leave you feeling anxious and drained. Even if the person you are drawn to spends some time with you, it is likely that you will wind up the occasion feeling unsettled, longing for more and somewhat disengaged from what could have been a great opportunity for more general social bonding, or other worthwhile endeavours.

From: The 6 annoying dating habits of middle eastern men

So what’s the alternative? What is the escape route from this tendency to obsess and possess?

Caring

Give yourself some time to fill-up with the feeling of universal unconditional love. 
It only takes a few moments. Lock yourself in a nearby public convenience if you must! Just place your hands on your heart and imagine the light of pure love filling your whole being.

Then go out into the world and read the emotions on people’s faces- not just the surface emotions- but the deeper ones you can glimpse in their eyes and gestures.

Send them love with your thoughts. Wish healing of their wounds. If you are actually physically alone, simply think about the people you know and one by one imagine good things happening to them.

Remember to include yourself in all this well-wishing! Imagine your brain filling up with so many good thoughts and ideas that the clawing, self depricating, destructive ones are simply squashed out.

Creating

And write! Or be otherwise creative when you can. At a party you might sing or dance. When you dance allow yourself to escape into the music. Close your eyes and let the music conjure up visions of other worlds, do what ever moves come to you consciously to get started. Never fear repeating the same movement- work with it until you naturally flow in another. Your imagination and the music will guide you if you let them.

From: http://www.boredpanda.com/yannima-pikarli-tommy-watson/

It’s the same with writing or drawing I find. Start with doodle or a phrase and find the crevice/the odd word that sparks the next phrase or scribble. Sometimes when I draw, it feels like I am just constantly trying to improve or amend the first doodle and then all of a sudden some form magically appears and I start to get more ideas.

The same can apply to any creative act be it cookery or flower arranging or even cleaning the house I suppose! (I still have to find a way to get that particular channel of creativity juicing for me! :) )

The point is that the lonely high anxiety of love can fuel something wonderful, if correctly utilised. Often the feeling of deep loneliness and unfulfilled desires is the keening of our inner muse. Even if poetic endeavours don’t exterminate depression, they may make the depression seem more useful and that can be surprisingly satisfying.

Synergising

But what if the love you feel in your heart is all good and all wonderful and all magical and you just want to share it to make the world a better place? Then rejoice and make haste. Usually this elated feeling comes after an energising experience – maybe even just a conversation that sets our brains alight. So be alert to the ideas that surface- the good ones or potentially good ones of course!

Maybe the person or event that enraptured you, piqued your interest in a book, or a place or a cause.. whatever captivated you at the time that the loving energy swelled within you- pursue that lead. There will probably be more than one thing buzzing in your head.

Some may seem to bring you to dead ends or just dull ends and others may seem to lose their lustre. But persist with all that have even remotely promising potential, for as long as you can. It will sustain the good feeling and help you on your journey through life.

"Somewhere over the rainbow" from The Microsoft clip-art gallery.

Above all, share your discoveries and passions with the people you feel drawn to and connect with those special people. Don’t just assume that they don’t need you and that you’ll both be fine without each other.

Keep Seeking..

I have only ever felt that magical sparkle of interest with a handful of people and all too often I just let it be or let it pass by. The older I get, the more I regret not trying to at least befriend those rare people my soul seemed to resonate with. Kindred spirits are hard to find but usually not that hard to recognise if you are alert to the signs.

Get Excited for the Educational Journey Ahead.

You know how certain people seem to magnetically attract your interest or arouse your curiosity? Some of the people for whom I had this sort of curiosity, told me that they thought we knew each other in a past life. I am not sue about that, but that is the sort of feeling I am talking about! For myself, I have often felt that we are drawn to such people because our instincts realise we could exchange valuable life-lessons with these attractive people.

Perhaps it works like the pheromonal cues that bring well-matched geno-types together for mating. Except that in this case, our subconscious minds are detecting people who possess qualities and skills we need to master- things like grace of movement, confidence, joy, sensitivity etc.

For ultimately, I believe that Love is our best and most wonderful teacher. Everytime you feel it, prepare to learn something; get curious and excited for the educational adventure ahead.

Stoke the love and it will kindle an eternal flame of wonder. There is always more to learn and there is always room for love to grow and dance.

Bothering or befriending? Helping or hassling? The quest to figure it all out begins...

Emerging Part 1

Butterflies-in-cocoons-emerging http://imgkid.com/butterfly-cocoon-opening.shtml

I feel I have awoken from a trance into the world of other people after an absence of decades. The re-emergence began a couple of years ago. A number of family tragedies spurred me to further question how I relate to other people.

 

Growing up in  my teens and twenties, I always got the impression that it was best not  to bother others. It seemed that most of the people I knew had plenty of other better, closer friends. They did not need me and I did not want to be a burden. Besides, I had my mission to be getting on with (- the mission I try not to think about too much these days because it seems to have grown in ambiguity and elusiveness.)

 

I was often given to believe that if I visited people who were ill, I’d only be in the way of closer family members, and then the closer relatives would fuss or be distracted. It seemed like a plausible argument. I did not want to get in the way.

 

But then the ill died, and I wished they had known how much I prayed for them and thought of them and longed to help from afar. Mostly though I just felt sad for them and those who mourned them, but I didn’t know how to help. How do you help people, when you have been brought up to believe that it is best not to bother  people?

WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE THAT “LONE NUT”

Dreading, Loving and Missing It..

Every day last week I would flinch ever so slightly as lunchtime drew near, because I had decided that to fulfil my personal to shake hands with the people I encountered on my lunch-time shopping expeditions! 

Returning from these adventures I always felt buoyed up because everyone I shook hands with smiled! 

Even a guy begging on the streets who looked utterly desolate when I first passed  him, lit up with a wry smile when I gave him some money, shook his hands and told him what I was about. I am happy to report that  when I met him again after the challenge, he remembered my face and told me with a glimmer of hope in his voice, that he would be starting work next week.

The homeless man I spoke to bore a sign like this:

The hand-shaking introduction also allowed me to learn the name of a woman I have often seen working in Tesco’s my the self-service tills. That smiling lady is called Monica!

Deputy Jerry Buttimer gave me one of the best handshakes-
I guess politicians are the professionals at this!

The best handshake I received was form Deputy Jerry Buttimer at the  launch of the Cork Coke Zero Bike Share Scheme. I am not sure if it was due to his political training or a sincere generosity of spirit, but that handshake felt like a very genuine expression of kindness. ( I am not affiliated to any political party but I knew Jerry Buttimer as a child.)

Of course some people insisted on hugs, which was lovely because to be honest the only thing I found hard about the challenge was that often handshaking seemed too formal! I probably should have plucked up the courage to offer the choice of a hug or a handshake every time.. 

However, this idea only occurred to me towards the end.

So… for all the people who have been nominated, that is what I recommend you do- give the recipient a choice and respect the fact that some people may be unable to participate for religious or other reasons.

Good hugs should be less like this: 

And more like this: 

But if you  are still wondering about the mechanics of hugging different types of people this article is invaluable: http://www.wikihow.com/Hug

Pity I only found it after my own botched attempts at hugging! L But hopefully I will get a chance to practice when all my nominees target me. J

Right now though, I feel like the “lone nut” in this video on How to Start a Movement. 

All I need is someone else to dance along and inspire some other more courageous people in the audience. Watch the video. It is short, inspiring and interesting!

To get involved go to: http://www.mycharity.ie/event/healing_hands_happy_hearts/

Or read the “How To Help” section of my previous blog post: http://thequesttobebetter.blogspot.com/2015/03/how-samaritans-helped-me.html

THANKS ALSO TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO DONATED MONEY TO ME DIRECTLY IN RETURN FOR HUGS AND HANDSHAKES- 
Particularly Alex who sells veg. in the Cork City farmers market and his wife Adria who teaches the Rosen Method- a series of exercises designed to release tension all over the body. (It is like giving yourself a massage).

Thanks also to all the people who shook hands with me- it was an honour!

I really miss the contact now that my challenge is over… Watch this space for personal progress reports..

HOW THE SAMARITANS HELPED ME

A Helping Hand .. 

The Flashback that Threw me Back: 

I  definitely could do with a hug today. Most of all, I just want to hug my knees to my chest and shut out the world. I thought I had kissed heartburn good-bye, thanks to following much of the excellent advice of  Ines 6375 on http://www.patient.co.uk/forums/discuss/how-i-cured-my-gastritis. But lately it has been coming back… L

Image from:

 http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/university-school-roleplay

I was so fed up with that pesky little monkey in my chest today, that I fished  a sheet of esomeprazole out of my desk drawer and took the daily dose. Several hours later it doesn’t seem to have done much good, but I know that Proton Pump inhibitors aren’t really quick fixes.

I’d rather not take them for long though, since they can inhibit absorption of Vitamin B12 and often make me feel nauseated and leaden-bellied after a few days. Also I was doing really much better for a while, so it must be possible to curb the reflux via other methods. I guess I will just have to re-consider my diet and lifestyle choices of late, to see where I have gone wrong. Right now though, I am too sore to handle such recriminations.

Nonetheless, experiences like this, remind me of how I felt when I started to ring the Samaritans.. 

Back then I was in almost constant pain of one form or another, from the moment I woke up, until I went to sleep and often even the reprieve of sleep eluded me.  I was visiting GPs, physiotherapists and trying various alternative therapies on a regular basis, but nothing was really making a huge difference. Plus I was lonely. I wanted to live a better life, but sometimes it was hard to believe I would ever get better.  

I didn’t feel comfortable talking to any of the people I knew about how I was feeling. My mother was my greatest confidante, but it was not fair to burden her with all my woes. And I didn’t really feel close enough to anyone else at the time. So ringing the Samaritans (from a phone box) was the perfect solution. I emailed them sometimes too.

 How the Samaritans help

The Samaritans are a bit restricted in what they can say to you- like many counsellors they can’t give specific advice as such,  but they can ask questions that help you to find your own solutions and most of all they offer a listening ear to people who are at their wits end and just need someone to talk to.

 

This image is from the http://www.samaritansbombay.com/ 

That is why I chose the Samaritans as one of the three charities to raise funds for. I owe them!

How Early Intervention Helps:

The other charities that will benefit from Healing Hands Happy Hearts are : 3Ts: Turn The Tide against Suicide and Pieta House.

I chose these charities because they are both very solutions focused. In different ways they are each working to create facilities and/or societal norms that make it easier for people who are feeling depressed/deeply unhappy, to find support and pathways to inner peace.  

You can find out more about them all here: http://www.pieta.ie/ https://www.facebook.com/pietahouse

http://www.3ts.ie/ https://www.facebook.com/pages/3TS-Turn-The-Tide-of-Suicide/

http://www.samaritans.org https://www.facebook.com/samaritansirl

Like, Pin or share their sites and Facebook pages!

 

How You and I and Everyone We know can all help

My fund-raiser is called: Healing Hands Happy Hearts and I am calling upon each and every reader to take part. All you have to do is:

1.        Pick a day  on which to take note of all the people you shake hands with or hug or pat on the shoulder.

2.       Then go to http://www.mycharity.ie/event/healing_hands_happy_hearts/ :  and donate a nominal amount for each person you made contact with.

a.       I am hoping that everyone will be able to  find at least one person to  hug or shake hands with. Most people should probably be able to raise a fiver at €1 per hug/handshake etc.. Just hug  your closest friends or family members!

b.      Of course, some people, like politicians, morticians and my warm-hearted in-laws, will probably easily hug or shake hands with many more people- so they should probably limit donations to something like 10 cent per hug!! Basically you try to spread as much friendliness as possible and donate what you can afford pro rata.

c.       No credit card? No problem. If you know me you can give me the cash and I will acknowledge your donation on the mycharity page. Or you can just find someone else you know and trust with access to a credit card!

3.       Finally I would love to get a little feedback. So send on whatever thoughts and photos you are happy for me to share online. For example, you could answer one or more of the following questions:

Brandon from the
 http://www.thegoodfoodshop.ie/
One of the people
I shook hands with for the challenge!

a.       How did you feel before you shook people’s hands? How did you feel afterwards?

b.      Who do you most like to hug?

c.       What do you like about hugging people?

d.      What do you like about receiving hugs?

e.      What do you find challenging about making physical contact with people?

(P.S. You may use a nick-name if you like! )

NOTE: If You live outside of Ireland, Please Plagiarise this idea using whatever the equivalent of mycharity.ie is in your country and raise money like this for your local branch of the Samaritans and similar charities. Let me know of your initiative a and I will plug your fundraiser too.

To find out about my own fund-raising week read the next blog post!

Xxooo

Sarah Kate.

[P.S. Since I first started to write this the Heartburn has mercifully abated.]